Wide Awake
It’s been one of those nights. If you’re a parent, you know what I’m talking about. If you’re a parent of a child with special needs, you really know. As much as I try to sleep and as much as i try to think of other things, it seeps from my unconscious region to my consciousness. “Will he be ready for the world without me?” “Is there more I can do?” “Have I been fooling myself into thinking everything will be OK?”
On these nights, I peel back the layers of work, appointments, commitments, socializing and all of my joking around and I find myself staring at a hostile, unforgiving world. The rose-colored glasses are off and the snakes have moved in, circling, waiting to engulf. I employ positive thinking. I meditate. I read. I write. They’re still here, slithering.
Having been on both sides of the situation I can tell you that sleepless nights are not reserved for special needs parents but they are very different. I had just as many sleepless nights with my neurotypical child before my dd one but they pale in comparison. With my first there was no need for rose colored glasses with my second I found them comforting and an actual necessity to be able to envision and strive for attainable goals. Insomnia is part of the territory of parenting – it is a major problem for those of us special parenting.
Marianne
8 Sep 10 at 4:34 PM
Marianne Russo brought me to your twitter and I came over here. Firstly, Id like to say that I commend you for being brave and caring to your special son. I believe a father has a major role in a teenaged sons life much more with a special son. I have had sleepless nights, wherein I have just idly spent on the laptop until the wee hours, but happy to say I have outgrew that inspite of everything!
What is brewing is that my 15 yr old son who has aspergers has been very unaccepting about his condition. His father whom Im separated fr is also not accepting. Anyway to make straight to the present, I commend fathers like you, and I hope to stay strong and hopeful that one day my son would realize, before its too late I pray, that he has to give my meds or therapy a try, before its too late. His studies have been strongly affected.
ssety
23 Jan 12 at 4:30 AM